Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. 1 Peter 3:1-7.
What are a woman’s expectations of her husband?
Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:
And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with precious and pleasant riches.
A wise man is strong; yes, a man of knowledge increaseth strength.
For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counselors there is safety.
Wisdom is too high for a fool: he openeth not his mouth in the gate.
Proverbs 24:3-7.
The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.
Proverbs 20:7.
He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.
Proverbs 17:27.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22.
There is no gainsaying the fact that a good woman is an uncommon favor to any man who marries her. This is why such a woman goes into a marriage relationship with certain expectations, some of which will remain with her unto the expiration of the union, in death.
Our Conversation today is set out to unravel what these expectations are .
Yes there is no other person that can meet these expectations than the MAN she has chosen to hand over her life, until death do them part.
No proxy can meet or satisfy it. No in-law can either. Even kids will not, no matter how hard they try, even widowhood or separation. This is why such women of favor don’t carelessly, thoughtlessly or inadvisedly say ‘I do’ to any man.
We must stress the point that a man had no obligation to meet these expectations if the marriage doesn’t meet Biblical standards. This is also important for the WOMAN to appreciate the WISDOM that these expectations are ONLY possible when the marriage is known to LAW.
That you joined a man and gave birth for him doesn’t avail you these expectations.
Let the man marry you properly to give you the entitlement of these expectations. As they say in law: you don’t place some thing on nothing. Let your marriage be known to LAW.
What then are these expectations?
1. A woman goes into marriage relationship with the need for PROTECTION.
A husband must strive to protect his wife from every real or imagined danger. Protect your wife against your family: your own parents, the mother in-law in particular, your brothers and sisters and all the extended family members, and other third-party relationships. Don’t leave your wife a prey for them to devour at will.
A man of wisdom shouldn’t do such a thing because he knows that the ‘two have become one’ .
Part of protection is also to buy things in her name, or in the names of two of you. All our property bear my wife’s name; and the children as the case may be. This makes it easier for peace and loyalty to reign in the family. Don’t forget that she has significantly lost her position from her maiden family, except in a limited number of cultures. Therefore, she should duly and adequately be protected in her new family. And this is the basic minimum a husband owes his wife.
Also, don’t expose her weak points to your family members and friends. A husband must hold his wife in high esteem, no matter the cost.
Even when she is wrong, don’t scold her in the presence of family members and friends. Help her to maintain her integrity and dignity before these people. (This has nothing to do with criminality).
2. Every woman is jealous. Therefore, do not share her love with another woman. Beyond the issue of sinning against God, she is endangered by such vices because the family is laid open to Satanic attack Or the manipulations of a STRANGE WOMAN. STRANGE women can chase away legal wives to possess their husbands. A man of wisdom must know this, and escape therefrom.
3. Don’t make negative statements or remarks about her before people, especially when it’s meant to put her down, reduce her person or vilify her.
Some husbands easily get carried away to make unkind and uncomplimentary remarks about their wives before family and friends. That is unacceptable to a wife, even if as a joke.
“I have told her to slim down”.
“She is just adding weight every day”.
“She doesn’t know how to dress, even with all the dresses I buy for her”. Many husbands make these types of remarks to devalue their wives. These remarks are unnecessary because they could be talked over privately at home. Why MUST you sadden your wife’s day, just because you want to feel good before strangers? Don’t lay bare your wife, even before your children. She deserves her respect and due dignity.
4. A wife wants to be under a husband WHO is a real man. She doesn’t want to marry Mummy’s son, a sissy or an effeminate human being. She wants a man of strength, a man of courage and a man of wisdom, who will direct and defend her and her children adequately. She wants a husband that she can run to for coverage, for safety, for protection and for comfort when she is afraid. A husband that commands respect and fear, as it were, whether inside or outside. He must not be a flat and naïve personality, lacking in dignity and courage. Ecclesiastes 20:16, 18, 19b.
5. A caring husband, who is deeply interested in her and her children’s wellbeing. Ensuring that there is enough supply of food and other material welfare essentials.
6. A listening ear and a co-burden bearer. A husband must know that the wife has so much inside her: fears, anxieties, burdens, sometimes, even to cry onto. Give her your ears. Give her your shoulder to lean on. Give her your bossom to cry onto. Let her tell you what happened in the office, at home with the kids, in the market and around her. Even when she cries without you knowing why, give her your attention and care. Give her space and time to debrief and unburden herself to you, and feel lighter from INSIDE. That the girl-child is a unique creature should be known to any husband. And as such she should be treated with so much tenderness, so much care and so much intentional considerations. It’s only the unwise among them that vitiate and abuse this Godly privilege. And men who are privileged to marry women who understood their place in marriage, CANNOT get tired appreciating GOD for the GIFT. Such wives are unspeakable joy to any family husbanding them. And they are rare to come bye.
Those who are managing, may the good LORD show you mercy, and turn things around for you, in Jesus’ name. It can be challenging, but with God nothing is impossible. Luke 1:37.
7. Accept her family members. And do the needful for them as the occasion demands. Don’t place her in competition with her younger sisters, where available, and don’t violate or abuse them. Doing so or suspicion of it will cause lack of peace and general lack of trust and integrity, and in some cases, a complete breakdown of family unity. Wisemen don’t fiddle with fire in their bossom. Fools do. Proverbs 5:15-23.
8. Cooperate with her on issues surrounding the training of the children. Discreetly correct her where she is wrong with candid and adequate explainings. Don’t team up with the kids against her. Or to counter her instructions, not even when you are not always there. The worst thing any husband can do to a wife is to enable the kids to violate their mother’s laid down rules. It gives the impression of one parent being better than the other. It also puts the offending kids in disadvantage with their mother, who is always there with them.
9. Every wife wants space, comfort and healthy environment for her and her children. Those wives who don’t cherish this lack the understanding of its beauty and convenience, due to poverty, illiteracy and low exposure. Meeting this need may demand some good financial outlay. Nonetheless, she wants them namely:
*Spacious living environment.
*Furnished Kitchen (with running water for those of us in this clime – Africa).
*Loaded or stocked store.
*A decent wardrobe.
*A dressing room, etc.
When these elements are in place, the wife will appreciate her husband in more ways than one. And it will show in her mood and disposition, especially if the husband does them without her nagging.
10. Create time to be with her, to romance her and to hang out with her and her children. The Bible records that Isaac was sporting with Rebecca when Abimelech saw them. That is to play and have fun. Husbands should do like Issac to their wives. Create time do it so often. Let the children enjoy their childhood with their father because that aspect of child growth and development will never wait. Or be delayed or be caged from fading away.
11. Give her the privilege to discover who she really is. If she has not started a career, help her to start. If she has not done proper education, encourage her to do so.
By whatever means practicable, let her realize her full potential.
Don’t place yourself in competition with her, or be jealous of her by the time your work in her begins to flourish and blossom.
I have encountered husbands who were caught with this satanic spirit of jealousy. In fact, one told me that he made her wife,. yet he was jealous of her successful. You need prayers and deliverance if you are in such a condition.
12. A strong man in bed. Yet this strong man must consider the strength and timings of the wife. Love should rule the bed matter all the time, not necessarily: DESIRE.
13. In addition, she wants her husband to be satisfied with breasts, her body. Most men tend to compromise their marriage vow when the breasts sag, and the body wanes or fades. A wife is pained by this unfair treatment because she came into the life of the man with her body and beauty intact. Those sagging breasts are product of years of pregnancy and motherhood. Using it against her in age and time is most unfair. That is why the Bible gives this advice” .. let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love” Proverbs 5:19b.
This is the way to peace and holiness before God and man.
14. She wants to be part of her husband’s day too. Some men express or hang family photos in their offices and business places. That’s great. But a wife wants more than that.
Give her calls from wherever you are regularly each day. Send her love notes and text messages. Reassure her of your love. Get her involved in your meetings and activities outside where she isn’t present, even if it’s vicariously. Let her know that she is part of your day and programs. Fill her in also when you are home. She weighs her worth by how much you get her involved in your life.
15. A Pastor over her and her children. The Bible records that David went home to bless his household. Your wife wants you to teach her and her children. To pray with them. To direct her and the kids on all spiritual matters. Husbands who cede this responsibility to their wives miss it because God expects them to be their family’s spiritual head for proper liaison (except where the woman is a widow or single parent).
16. A wife wants to see Jesus in the husband, to have the MIND of Christ. Phillipians 2:5-8. This is because that is the ONLY guarantee that she is safe and secure under this difficult creature called man, under whose shadow she has found love and has sacrificed all to accept as HUSBAND.
To God be the glory. Amen. God bless.
Happy Sunday.
Next Sunday we will see what men want in a wife!
ABOUT THE PASTOR
Okoro is a revivalist and marriage counselor. He can be reached on:
08051000462.
©All our references taken from KJV, except otherwise stated.
August 28, 2022.
