Ephesians 5:21-33. Genesis 2:21-25.
Follow peace with all men, and holiness without which no man shall see the LORD. Hebrews 12:14.
4. Pursue Peace
Luke 16:18. Matthew 18:21-22.
The Christian couple should pursue peace not because they must avoid divorce as counselled against in Luke 16:18. No. They must pursue peace because it’s the fulcrum upon which their marriage revolves, and to stand tall before God and before men. The pursuit of peace is a life- long affair for the couple because that is what will qualify them to see God in the hereafter as the passage quoted above states.
Jesus gave us an insight to what it means to pursue peace when He taught His disciples to forgive their opponents 70 × 7 which sums up to 490 times in a day. Whereas one agrees with the Bible that nothing is impossible, yet it would amount to one living with the DEVIL and not a Christian spouse, to be so offended to that level, daily. And in which case the relationship doesn’t also qualify as MARRIAGE any more. Proverbs 29:22.
Peace is absence of conflict, stress or violent disagreement. The absence of peace is the presence of conflict, stress and violence. Now picture these two sides in a marriage setting. And you will be amazed why the Bible teaches us to pursue peace with all men. Indeed any marriage wherein the couple fail to pursue peace is doomed because peace can take a flight with the slightest excuse or provocation. Anger for instance.
A dinner is served late. And the man flares up, very angry at a woman who could have been bogged down with issues around children that bear the man’s name.
A man comes back late chasing a business prospect that will fetch more money for the good of the wife and children. And the wife becomes angry and accusative. These elements, good as they are, can cause enough brouhaha amongst couples who are not ready to pursue peace.
Peace is the quality of human spirit to be calm, without conflict of thought, action and / or behaviour to God, to man and even to oneself. It also means acting without prejudice, malice or jealousy or envy.
We pursue peace because peace is a command; a human need; which makes human beings happier. Peace also gives man a place before God in death and in the resurrection morning. That is why the Bible equates peace to holiness without which no man shall see the LORD. Therefore the pursuit of peace by couples is also to ensure that they don’t become cast away before God. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.
Beyond peace giving us access to God, Isaiah 9:6, peace also gives us assurance that we are children of God. So when couples work against peace in their marriage, it’s doubtful if they are indeed children of God. Jesus is our peace , in the same way that He is our salvation.
Ephesians 2:14. Romans 15:33. Jesus our Lord of peace. We must replicate it in our marriage.
Meanwhile, peace makes us acceptable to other people. Nobody likes to deal with haters of peace, or harbingers of conflict and violence. When a family lives and acts in peace, it’s natural that they will attract favour, grace and mercy from others. Peace lovers are God’s favorites because they shall see God in glory.
5. Build family Values
Values are ideas, attitudes and principles that determine: What we do — whether they are right or wrong. Even when you keep quiet, it is still a function of your values.
Therefore, every marriage should define their values upon which they will also train their children. Some values include : Hardwork / Excellence. Integrity. Honestly. Justice. Leadership. (God first in all things).
When a family has this kind of values orientation, their kids will embrace Hardwork as the source of wealth or material progress and success. When a family strives for justice, their kids will not be part of any gathering that is offensive to fairness, equity and justice. . The same for leadership. They will remain loyal to authority. And will willingly offer themselves for leadership, as it were because they understand what leadership means.
As part of family Values, couples should strive to be fair and impartial with their children Send the kids to same schools. Buy same dresses for them until past their Teen years. Expose them to the same training. Let them know these family values. And the consequences of flouting them.
Even as TEENS, our kids never lied. It’s not just part of our family values to lie. Nobody trades with such vices that are antithetical to right living and acceptable moral and social standards.
Values will guide the children even when the parents are not their.
Some Police officers brutalised my son sometime last year around Lekki axis of Lagos, because he refused to give them MONEY or bribe. He committed no crime.
They searched his laptop and phone. They saw nothing. They wondered why a boy in his mid 20s could be that clean.
They seized his phone. Checked his bank balance, Saw some few thousands and withdrew half of the money on gunpoint. They called him Biafra boy as soon as they saw his name. They became more violent. The gentleman in question is an IT Analyst, working with a bank. But these officers of the state just wanted money.
I couldn’t restrain my mother in-law from cursing them and their next generations. May the good LORD show them mercy.
Yes, part of values is to say something about what is wrong because keeping mum is acquiescence. And injustice has no bus stop. It’s said that “Injustice against one is injustice against all” . Do something against injustice. Children should be adequately motivated by these values. Values make children to be behave like the dons of Issachar, who understand the times to know what the seed of Abraham’ should do per time.
6. Set Goals with Timelines
Proverbs 6:6-7. 29:18a; 20:13; 22:13.
Every couple should set goals. Goals are expectations of the family within a given period. And how to bring those expectations to fruition.
The point must be made that nothing happens by chance. Something must trigger any good thing in a family. It’s therefore the responsibility of the couple to trigger it. Bear in mind that a standard marriage is 40 years, ( plus five or minus five years). Again very few go beyond 45.
With this understanding, couples should decide : how many kids to have within the a given period; the kind of schools they will attend; the application of discipline in the home; the management of finance between the couple; the upkeep of the parents in law, if alive; the period to build own house, among others. Children should be made to understand these plans and their timelines when they become aware. They should be told about these goals as it affect them. For instance, an average child should be in school for 15 years from age five to earn a first degree. Therefore, by age 20- 22, any child outside the medical school should have graduated. They should be reminded when they are being careless about it. Somebody is saying with ASUU (Academic Staff Union of Universities in Nigeria) strike? Yes, strike is not always there. Besides, the private schools are available based on affordability, anyway. Jacob serve Laban for 20 years. Laban wanted him to stay longer. He refused, wondering when he shall fend for his own family . He set goals for himself. God also set target for Israel that after 400 years, they shall be free from the bondage of Egypt. Exodus 1 – 3.
7. Build an Altar
Genesis 8:20;12:7; 26:25; 35:3-7.
Couples should build altars of prayers, worship, thanksgiving, sacrifice and praise and confession. This is what biblical altar represents. This is not Quiet Time. Quiet time is for individuals. Altar is for the family. With it the strength of the family is daily renewed.
Noah built the FIRST altar. And it has become truer that those who followed this example became as successful as Noah. Abraham. Isaac and Jacob all built Altars unto God. They had better ending than Esau and Lot who never did. Psalms 37:37.
8. Give Hope to yourselves
Couples should give themselves hope by encouraging each other. They should encourage each other or themselves in times of distress, discouragement and despair.
Several things happen in marriage that could cause no less pain as the death of parents, in-laws and other loved relations.
The absence of children immediately after wedlock, the birth of a challenged child, the presence of wayward kids and insurbordinating children, long period of unemployment, business failure, or even moral failure like out of wedlock kids among others can be challenging. The couple must not despair, but should give each other HOPE because God remains faithful in all these situations and circumstances. Abraham kept reminding God to make Sarah have kids. Jacob prayed for Rachel to bear children. Elimelech comforted Hannah in childlessness.
This is the way to go. Give Hope to the kids also, even when their academics is poor. Give Hope to each other whether you have enough food or not in the house. Ask yourselves: what will it be in the next five years. Many challenges fizzle out with time. Beyond prayers, talk to each other with love, consideration and compassion.
Use loving words to communicate HOPE in the family, no matter the despair, discouragement or distress. The words of our mouth carry so much grace, when spoken with love and deliberate intention. It can heal the broken hearted. Use it as a couple to heal your wounds in your MARRIAGE.
Happy Sunday. God bless.
What does a woman want in marriage? See you next week.
ABOUT THE PREACHER
Pastor Okoro is a revivalist and marriage counselor. He can be reached on:
08051000462.
©All Bible references taken from KJV.
August 21, 2022.
