The Sunday Conversation | 19. 06. 2022
Proverbs 14:1-2; 16:23; 23:7; 28:26.
Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.
The law of the wise is a fountain of life , to depart from the snares of death.
Good understanding giveth favor: but the way of transgressors is hard.
Every prudent man dealeth with knowledge: but a fool layeth open his folly.
Proverbs 13:13-16.
Sign Number 31
He doesn’t share his faith with his friends, his colleagues or anybody for that matter.
He doesn’t want to lose their friendship, or be mocked at because his lifestyle doesn’t reflect the Jesus he will share. By hiding his faith, he is made vulnerable to others’ influences and actions . He cannot control the discussions around him with his friends. Even when some silly jokes or uncomplimentary remarks are made against his faith, he enjoys the laughter and vibe. He’s not angry at such jokes and criticisms, some of them very unfair. He doesn’t wear Christ as a banner. Sad.
The Jesus in you: how real ? The Bible says that he that wins a soul is wise . And the book of Jude verse 3 challenges us to contend for the faith as it was delivered to us by the saints of old. We must therefore be wise.
Sign Number 32
He changes jobs like he changes his wears.
In a decade, he could have changed employment four to six times. Every little pay rise tickles him, despite the dislocation these job changes bring to his health, social relationships and family peace and stability.
Besides, he fails to build a fulfilling and rewarding career because he doesn’t stay long enough on a job to fully develop capacity, competence and trust which are genuinely essential in the pursuit of a richly rewarding career. By the time he realizes it, he had become uncompetitive in the labor market. Proverbs 22:29 says it all: he hasn’t got what it takes to excel, despite all his big big qualifications and certificates.
Sign Number 33
He knows his weaknesses, but does little to either overcome, hide or manage them.
A man once told a friend that he doesn’t take oranges outside his house because he eats everything inside the orange but the seed. Another man said he doesn’t like drinking water publicly because he derives pleasure taking it from the bottle. These examples may be insignificant, but they stem from men of character and honesty of purpose– who know that exhibiting those small character foibles could vitiate their reputation before good people. These men are not being deceitful. They are only being smart. They are managing their limitations intelligently.
Sign Number 34
He doesn’t have time to rest. Therefore he does little or no prioritization of his engagements.
God deliberately made the Sabbath because He wants man to rest. It was so important then that God decreed death to the person who violates it. Whereas we can’t be that legalistic in the present age, rest remains a vital need of humankind. An average family must plan and undertake, at least, a holiday yearly. While individuals should adopt the Sabbath principle to have at least one day to rest.
For a career husband and father, that one day should be for : silence, solitude and relaxation with family and friends.
Such moments refresh the body, renew the mind and reinvigorate the strength for a new day, a new week. The yearly vacationing is for longer relaxation of the family and for renewal of marital vows , learning of new things reading, praying and sharing together. With such holidays, children learn what family life is , and are known better by their parents. Children also have their confidence level given some boost for life and for the marriage institution. Things that can enhance your rest resolve should include: not to bring back work home, to prioritize rest and to learn to say NO to some assignments that are not too important or urgent. You can also learn to delegate to your subordinates and trust them to do it well. Moses learnt it very late, yet it helped him going forward. Exodus 18. Jesus also rested as the Bible records that He withdrew Himself to the mountain top to rest. He had time to sleep too. You can’t be busier than the Master.
I know that in most developing countries like Nigeria, where graft and corruption are endemic, and where salaries are delayed, sometimes , unpaid for months, proceeding on annual vacation can be a challenge. Even then , it’s only the living that can work. Find time to rest with your family, friends and loved ones.
Sign Number 35
He doesn’t have a culture of Book Reading.
Ask him the last time he read a quality book, (not a pamphlet, not a professional book or journal), you will be surprised that it was six to 12 months ago. Some don’t even read at all, except the Bible which is also not read systematically .
Quality books should be read monthly.
Books contain hidden treasures of wisdom l, knowledge and revelation.
In reading you pick the brain of the writer to strengthen your own capacity and wisdom. In books, you are challenged on issues of life and how others went about those issues. In books you see the failures of men, their successes and their ambitions. With biographies and autobiographies: You are led into the lives of the subjects, and perhaps, to pick one or two things to add to your wisdom collections. Many issues of marriage are contained in books. When you read them up, you are bound to be a better husband and father. Yes, there’s no Biblical handbook on marriage. Therefore, you need to search out the demands of marriage, the home and family beyond the contents of the Bible. Don’t misunderstand me. The Bible lays the broad principles of Marriage, the Family and the Home. But Quality and Spirit- filled authors give flesh to these principles for enhanced, deeper and better understanding.
We read books to add to our bank of wisdom, knowledge and inner joy of picking somebody else’s brain. It can be really sweet when you do. In fact, sometimes, books would enable you to reexamine and rearrange the essentials of your life, especially men who chase money, career and ambition — outside of divine vocation. As Paul tells Timothy a man must read, study, meditate, reflect and introspect on all issues of life and godliness if he must be approved in these two callings: husband, father.
Sign Number 36
He has no family values to teach his children.
Yes, when a man doesn’t have time for his family, how can he develop and transmit meaningful family values to his children. Such children are left to their mother and the church to train and teach such right values as giving, respect for the elderly, accommodation of the poor, the weak; widows and orphans, as well as the physically- challenged, refugees and the homeless. Children trained without right values blush, struggle and laugh or mistreat these classes of human beings. They also mistreat domestic animals and deny them their feeding in due season. Virtues of integrity, honesty, win- win, courage, justice and sacrifice etc are inculcated in the child by a father who is available at home. The school can’t do it. The society can’t do it . The church can only help. Wake up my dear and indoctrinate your kids with the right values that will distinguish them among their peers. When you fail in this regard, the money to train three children or more, will be consumed by ONE child who was valueless.
Sign Number 37
He doesn’t teach and train his kids on
the art of GIVING to Go.
Don’t forget that this father doesn’t pay tithes , and dashes God an offering on Sundays. This explains why some children use their offering money for other things when not monitored . . A father will not just teach his kids the need to give offerings, but that it MUST be qualitative. He should also teach them to pay their tithes, when they receive monetary gifts from people. They should hear it first from their homes,. The church can only reaffirm or amplify it. This way , our children will learn how to also give others when their father teaches them appropriately. Deuteronomy 6:3-7. Proverbs 3:9-10. Giving makes room for greater accommodation and favor. Success goes beyond hard work. Teach children to give: to God, to church, to family members, to their pastors and church members as well as to the poor, to widows and orphans and the needy.
Sign Number 38
He disrupts his wife’s food and kitchen budget as a result of his too many and unstreamlined visitors: of friends and family members. Whereas there’s nothing wrong to play host to friends and family members, there’s everything wrong when such visits are too frequent and disruptive of a family’ s feeding budget. Or when such visits lead to a wife becoming wearied in an attempt to entertain them. . There is no gain saying that cooking can be wearying for women who know how to cook.. because they want to do it well.
In some cases, the problem may be the man himself, who will simply use up food for the whole family all by himself. Such men hardly can cook or manage the kitchen prudently in the absence of their wives. When they also do, the budget is doubled. Have you seen some male youth corps members? Yes. Your guess is as good as mine! Some of them carry it to their married life, and duly represent some of these things in discussion.
Sign Number 39
He doesn’t have a role model.
Growing up, I encountered a man who taught me what life is all about. He invited me to his family. And I saw what a good home should be. He taught me fidelity in marriage, and how to escape the trap of strange women. He taught me how to make a woman live fulfilled in a man’s house. I learnt from him that money without kingdom investments is an inglorious vanity. This man was my role model for several years, until I became more involved with JESUS CHRIST. Today Jesus has become my Role Model Philippians 2: 5-8, because He is all that I wish to be in this life. Who is your role model? How has he/she impacted your life and marriage?
(Concluded.)
Happy Sunday. God bless.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Pastor Okoro, a revivalist and marriage counselor, can be reached on:
08051000462.
