The Sunday Conversation | 12. 06. 2022
Proverbs 29:18. Hosea 4:6.
Where there is no vision the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 29:18.
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children. Hosea 4:6.
These two passages challenge us to seek knowledge, wisdom and and revelative understanding of both physical and spiritual issues of life and godliness.
We can’t be good husbands and diligent fathers without knowledge , godly vision and wisdom from God. It’s this understanding that makes the difference among husbands and fathers. Sadly, when a husband and father fails, the consequences are on the wife and children. Think of Achan. Remember Annanias and Sapphira. We can’t get tired citing them as bad examples of parenthood.
Sign Number 23
He doesn’t give hope to his wife, and to the children. Proverbs 15:22-23.
Hope is the language of a brighter future , no matter the present gloom, sadness, distress or disappointment.
Yes, it’s not uncommon to see wives face some terrible times like having difficult pregnancy period, troublesome mothers- in-law, delay to qualify for a particular certificate or promotion, prolonged unemployment , difficult bosses and official work pressures etc. While passing through this period, a husband must be supportive. But this baby husband isn’t disturbed, doesn’t share in the pain.
There is hardly any child who hasn’t failed exams. Very few children , even adults, pass this side of eternity without failing one exams or the other. Children are often beaten or bullied by other bigger children. This father deepens his children’s pain by comparing them with their mates or bullies, rather than encouraging them to see the future being better and brighter.
Most times we are devastated by the loss of our dear ones. Women are mostly pained and weakened by these life and existential realities. This husband doesn’t have kinder words for such a wife in pain. Sometimes, he doesn’t notice the silent agonies of his wife. And when he does or is reminded, his intervention lacks deep consolation, reasoned consideration and hearty care or concerns. His thinking is very shallow to assuage pain and sorrow of his wife and children.
A father once told his son: “he has beaten you today, next time you will beat him”. And that did the miracle or magic, if you like, for his distraught son. And indeed the next time, courage came from that small pep talk, and the once- beaten son became victorious. Similarly, a husband welcomed his wife home with these soothing words: ,”my dear you are the Queen of this palace. Don’t mind that naughty boss. You are in -charge in this palace, our home.” This also worked the miracle and he got a charming glow from the lifted eyes of the wife. The mood in the home immediately changed. These are the essentials of a delightsome husband and father. Don’t join the enemies of your family to harass and intimidate them. Play the man for them. Give them hope that you are there for them always. Let them find peace, comfort and hope in their breadwinner. Amen. Proverbs 24 :26.
Sign Number 24
He has no apologies for wife and children when he is poignantly wrong.
And when he seemingly apologises, he ruins it with unreasonable and puerile excuses and other uncomplimentary remarks. At last, it would have been better he never apologized. He can never be wrong. Am sorry is not his language. Sad.
But even children should be apologized to when a father offends them. This gives such children confidence and self esteem that they are worth something before their father to merit his apologies.
And a wife needs it more to know that she has a husband of. care, concern and consideration of her person. When a husband doesn’t have these soothing words, any reasonable wife sees herself as sex object of the man. And whereas she might not deny you her body, such romances are merely doggy — a disinterested act .
Sign Number 25
He knows his bride before their honeymoon because he lacks patience to wait. Sometimes, it’s lack of courage to resist his in-laws who want their daughter pregnant before the bell tolls. Either way, he is a poor copy of a husband who would eventually be the king in his own domain.
The point must be made that this husband is not an unbeliever , or s backslidden christian. Certainly not. The only thing wrong is the perception of his faith , and the depth of understanding to which he puts his faith to drive his thoughts, his actions , his decisions and desires.
So, when the Bible says the sons of Isachar understood the times in which Israel lived, this didn’t mean that the other tribes were unIsrael. The only difference was in the leadership of the other tribes. They lacked capacity and foresight to guide their brethren This is the lot of most boy husbands. They lack introspection. Knowing and impregnating your bride before wedding: Doesn’t it occur to you that the pregnancy could come down after the wedding?. Patience has its reward in any engagement. The whole body belongs to you. So why pinch it like a child given a wrapped stuff to deliver to an elder who will give him (child) his own share?.
Sign Number 26
He doesn’t listen to his wife, even in matters wherein the wife is technically superior. His ego will not allow that. But women are like the domestic animal. They do not noise in vain. When they scream, squick, howl or whimper, do not ignore them. Somehow, the girl-child has an inner antennae, an inner super- sensitive mode that vibrates at the slightest inclination to danger, pain or phony appeal. When they sound, a reasonable husband should listen. Those who have this understanding as husbands had hardly run into troubled waters in matters honestly and sincerely discussed with our wives. Those who have met their Waterloo or had burnt their fingers in one way or the other regrettably blame themselves for not putting their wives in the know in such matters.
When Abraham removed Hagar from his home on the insistence of Sarah in Genesis 21, God saw it. But He didn’t stop the process. He encouraged Abraham to listen to Sarah. He allowed the process to run in full, then He showed up for Hagar because ‘Ishmael is also a seed of Abraham’ That is the way of peace in the home. Don’t always ignore a wife’s noises’. Sometimes it can be disastrous, not just for the man but also for the entire family.
Sign Number 27
He may not be a drunkard. He may not be a serial philanderer. But he is comfortable and enjoys the company of these silly light characters. Psalms 1:1-6 makes no sense to him. After all, he is only relieving boredom and loneliness.
Sign Number 28
Sometimes, he keeps in touch with his old sinner – girl friends to the anger of his wife. He sees no danger in it. Yet, he knows that there is everything wrong and dangerous about it. Many men have been ensnared, enslaved and turned into a piece of bread by such foolishness. Your ex girl friend, especially the ones you had carnal relationship with can turn into strange women to you after marriage, if you don’t check it. Women caught in this evil should approach their pastors, or parents in-law or very close friends of their husbands for counselling, going forward. This time, a third party is needful. Don’t keep quiet. Proverbs 23:26-28.
Sign Number 29
He shops for Pastors whose preaching and teaching fall in sync with his pre conceived ideas , fantasies and theology. And when his shop-list of preferred ministers is exhausted, he becomes less frequent in his local church on flimsy excuses. The book of Hebrews 7:25 makes little appeal to him , as he prefers to be home on Sundays surfing Television channels and the internet for mundane, carnal and sensous items to satisfy his famished or near famished soul. The soul is spiritual : only God can satisfy it with His own Spirit. Jesus says in John 6 : 63 that his words are spirit and life. Any soul that denies himself this WORD is already dead, though he breathes. John 5:39.
Sign Number 30
He uses tight work schedule to evade weekly churching and other churching events.
No mid-week Bible Study. No Prayer meetings. No attendance at naming ceremonies even though people came for his. No visit to church members in pain , sorrow or bereavement. You can now wonder how this brother is coping with his faith. He is almost becoming an island, but for the wife who is shielding him from these liabilities and errors of judgement and indiscretions. The Bible tells us that wisdom is the principal thing, and in all thine getting, get understanding. Get wisdom my dear brother. You can’t run a home successfully on borrowed wisdom. You need to develop it, nurture it , cultivate it and embrace it for consummation.
(To be concluded next edition).
Happy Sunday.
•Pastor Okoro, a revivalist, and marriage counselor, can be reached on:
08051000462.
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